No More Excuses: The New Stage of Empty Nesting

We dropped Ben off at Texas Tech last week, officially emptying our nest of children (or our quiver, as the Psalms describe parenting). Afterward, we spent a few days hiking, praying, and processing this new season before returning home. It took only a few hours back at the house for one implication of empty nesting to become painfully clear: Mitchell is out of people to blame.

Everyone handles transition differently. Lisa appears to be embracing empty nesting by enjoying the possibility that when she cleans something, it might actually stay clean. Mitchell seems to be responding by deepening his late-life crisis, enjoying new adventures, and slowly discovering that accountability increases as household occupancy decreases.

Blaming, of course, is an ancient male tradition. When God confronted Adam after humanity’s rebellion, Adam managed to blame both his wife and God in one sentence:  “The woman you gave me…” (Genesis 3:12).  Men have been developing the craft ever since.

For years, children provided convenient cover. A smudge on the faucet? Ben. Crumbs on the counter? Probably Ben. Something left somewhere the dogs could not possibly reach? Almost certainly Ben. Empty nesting has introduced an uncomfortable new standard of forensic accountability. Ben is 350 miles away. Tucker is further. The girls are long gone. Sometimes Mitchell can blame guests. Occasionally the dogs remain plausible suspects. But the circle has tightened.

Underneath the humor is something good for the soul. New seasons remove old excuses. They expose habits we could previously hide behind crowded schedules, noisy homes, demanding responsibilities, and other people. The empty nest is quieter, and sometimes quiet makes it easier to hear the questions Jesus has been asking for a while: Where do you need to grow? What needs to change? How can you grow more like Me to serve Me more faithfully? Where are you blaming others rather than taking responsibility? How might you love the person still walking beside you more intentionally?

Grace and love make accountability safe and fruitful. Because Jesus has already taken responsibility for the guilt of our sin that is truly ours, giving us security as children of God, we are free to stop defending ourselves, blaming others, and managing appearances. We can confess, repent, laugh at ourselves, and keep growing (or cleaning, as the case may be).

So begins our next season. Fewer children. More quiet. New adventures. Deeper intimacy with Jesus, one another, and in ministry together.

And apparently, no more blaming Ben or other children, unless one comes home to visit (at which point all bets are off).

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We spotted this man walking his pig on our way home from dropping Ben off at college. Any connection between this man training his pig and Lisa training Mitchell in empty nesting is yours to make.